I’ve recently discovered one of satan’s best attacks on Moms is to make us feel like we are alone, the only ones struggling, the only ones not really ‘getting’ the whole motherhood thing.  And we are equally good at hiding it from others, pretending we do indeed have it all together, our children are angels, we never fight with our husband, life is easy, we aren’t on the verge of losing it, just going about our days passing by one another hiding it all behind a smile and the Pinterest-perfect Facebook page.

Maybe there are a few Moms out there who truly do have it all together.  God bless them.  And I’m by no means saying we need to fill our Facebook pages with dirty laundry and air everything we feel is going wrong in our lives.  Goodness knows, there’s enough negativity on social media as it is.  I do feel however, that there is power in knowing you’re not alone.  To find out others have some of the exact struggles you do, and you’re not an island floating through life by yourself, is therapeutic.  At least for me it is.    I recently learned I check every box for what qualifies as a nervous breakdown.  How lovely.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  I’ve had the internal struggle of “I just need to pray more and have more faith in God” and these feelings will go away.  That I won’t feel like a complete failure as a wife and mom.  Well, praise the Lord that He is bigger than my crazy emotions and feelings, and He can use this season to make me who He wants me to be.

I remember seeing a talk show once where the ladies in the audience wore t-shirts with their weight on them.  It was supposedly about empowering women to be real.  For someone with my history, it gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it, but I get the point.  Imagine if we as moms wore our fears and struggles on our shirts for all the world to see.  I know there’s not a t-shirt large enough to hold all of mine.  I am my own worst critic.  Once, in a counseling session years ago, (yes, I’ve been through lots of therapy in my life, but that’s another story for another time) I had to fill out a questionnaire about my personality.  The counselor later told me that had all of my perceived notions about myself been true, I would not be able to function in society.  Again, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

We all have that person in our mind that we look to as the ‘perfect mom’.  The one that we secretly compare ourselves to, thinking life would be so much better if we were more like her.  I guarantee if you pulled back the curtain, that chick is just as lost as you and me.  Yes, God is good and faithful and gives us unending grace (amen!), but that doesn’t mean life is perfect.  If only.  If satan isn’t after you full force, check yourself.  I remind myself of this daily.  Honestly, I see how moms snap.  I see how moms become alcoholics and addicts.  I’m not defending it, I’m just saying I get it.  Oh, how I get it.  I have an addictive personality, so I know I could very, very easily go down that road.  My middle child screamed for the first 9 months of her life- how I didn’t turn to pills or the bottle, or end up on the evening news is just by the grace of God.  It’s so much easier to turn to things instead of God.  And nothing makes the devil happier than when we do.

As long as I can remember, I’ve put too much pressure on myself.  I think to an extent though, all moms do, especially in this society where it’s all about perfection.  We not only have to be the perfect mom/wife/housekeeper/organizer/cook etc, but we’re expected to look good doing it.  The pressures on beauty and body image in our society are insane.  I could write a novel, but I’ll save my thoughts on that for later.

I think our inner voices are our worst critics.  Those inner voices can be cruel little monsters.  For some of us, our inner voices are the result of someone in our life who was not so nice to us, who was critical of everyone and everything, and for some, it’s simply our warped perception of things.  I remember how freeing it was for me when I finally realized people were not really thinking what I just assumed they were.  Assumptions are another thing that can be cruel little monsters.

Thankfully, I’m very blessed with some dear Mommy friends who put up with my craziness, and make me feel not so alone in my struggles.  But if we don’t make ourselves vulnerable enough to open up and show our struggles, we’ll never know.  That’s when satan wiggles in and whispers that we’re alone and we’re the only ones failing.  Sometimes I think he yells it at me.  Like when I’m crying in the closet after losing it with my kids or fighting with my husband, or when I’ve had enough and go outside in the dark to just rock on the front porch.  I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve what I have, I’m screwing up my kids, I’ll never be what my family needs, I’m not a good enough Christian, you name it- satan has yelled it at me.

Moms, we have to pray for one another!  We cannot let satan win.  God ordained me to be exactly where I am, and He ordained you to be exactly where you are.  Let’s stop with the facades, get out of our comfort zones and just be real.  Perfectly imperfect, but real.