Did you know the holidays were stressful?  Or am I the only one that feels like that?  Oh, I know they’re not supposed to be, but despite my best efforts, they always seem to turn out that way.   Every.Single.Year. I say I’m not going to stress, I’m just going to enjoy the time with my family, and Every.Single.Year. I end up a ball of nerves.  I’m one who shops all year for gifts and plans ahead, but it seems the execution of things is what gets to me.   I happen to be artsy.  I love everything creative, and especially painting.  While it’s a blessing in that I can often make my own gifts, it turns into a double edged sword when you know people almost expect your gift to be handmade and doing so requires time.  Oh time, the most precious thing.  Am I the only one who feels like there is just not enough time?  I think that’s what stresses me out the most: feeling like there is too much to do and not enough time.  It seems for me, once November hits, the whirlwind begins.  Gone are the days when Thanksgiving and Christmas were separate and distinct, now I see people putting up their trees the day after Halloween.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it just reminds me that the countdown to Christmas is ticking fast.  It’s all just very overwhelming.

My family has even simplified Christmas the last couple of years.  Less gifts, more focus on family time and making memories.  And despite this, I still feel short of breath.  Maybe it’s the pressure.  I mean, look around.  The pressure to have the ‘Pinterest-perfect’ Christmas is everywhere.  Stores, television, social media, all plant the ideas of what Christmas should look like.  There’s few things that will rob a parent of joy than seeing what Santa brought someone’s little ones and it’s twice as much what yours have.  Or visit Toys R Us this time of year.  If you can walk through those aisles and still feel like an awesome parent, God bless you.  I am not materialistic and try to be very frugal, but I admit, it’s tough to see all the ‘cool new things’ out there for kids and not feel a bit guilty that your kid is left out.  I’m not talking necessarily about finances, I think even when parents can afford the entire store but deliberately make the choice to limit their children, they may still feel that pang of guilt.  Maybe not.  Maybe I’m the only one who feels guilty no matter what.  I don’t know if it’s my personality or fatal flaw, but I swear no one can make me feel any worse about myself than me.  Maybe it’s a Mommy thing.  I don’t spend enough time with my kids.  I spend too much time with my kids.  I don’t do enough for them.  I spoil them too much.  We should be reading books by the fire while Christmas music plays softly in the background instead of the kids watching their second (or third) television show in a row while Mommy is in the other room attempting to wrap presents as a guise to get a sanity break.  That’s what Pinterest tells me anyway.  Oh Pinterest, I love to hate you and I hate to love you.

On top of this madness of the ‘perfect Christmas’, is the constant posts popping up about how Christians should be doing Christmas.  You know, how Christians shouldn’t even entertain Santa or do the Elf on the Shelf, because after all, “Jesus is the Reason for the season.”  Nothing says ‘peace, love, and joy to all’ like self-righteousness.  I’m not going to get into it here, but if you’ve sought the Lord about what He wants for your family, by all means, do your thing.  And understand that it’s not necessarily what He’s told other families.  Peace, love and joy to all.  We have enough to deal with in this crazy world without Christians turning on each other.

The pressure to be perfect.  Story of my life.  No one can put more pressure on me than I can on myself.  I remember in one of my therapy sessions,(another story of my life) the counselor showed me a pair of Chinese handcuffs and had me try them out.  Obviously, you know how they work.  The harder you try to get out of them, the tighter they become.  He made the point that I was stressing myself to death.  (Did I mention I was 12?  And people think I’m joking when I say I have a bucketful of issues)  I think Christmas just magnifies everything, because we do want it to be magical, especially for our children.  I have in my head how things should be, and when inevitably they don’t turn out that way, I feel like a massive failure.  And you know what?  My kids could not care any less about what their crazy Mommy deems perfect.  Some of our best memories are when things go the exact opposite of perfect.  You would think I’d catch on by now and just go with it.

I am really, really good at not applying to myself what I teach my kids.  My oldest daughter is a worrier.  My younger daughter constantly compares herself to others.  Both traits they inherited from me.  I can preach an awesome sermon to both of them about how there’s no need for that, and they are children of the One True King who loves them just as they are and He will never, ever leave them and will carry their burdens.  Saying and doing are two very different things.  I make the conscious effort for my children to not see how anxious I am, but I’m pretty sure the time I had a full blown panic attack in front of them kind of gave it away.  Not my proudest moment.  I KNOW the Lord is always with me and will never, ever leave me.  That doesn’t mean I always FEEL that way 100% of the time.  The times I do feel good about things, I start to worry that I’m forgetting something.  Yep.  Then I feel guilty when things are going good- I’m reminded of countless others who find Christmas the most depressing time of the year.  I’m convinced guilt is one of satan’s biggest weapons.

I’m so glad the Lord loves messed up people like me.  Can you imagine if He only accepted the ones that had their acts together?  I have a feeling Heaven would be very sparsely populated.  This year, I really, truly do want to focus on Him and stress less.  Those that know me and see me on a regular basis, feel free to hold me accountable.  Seriously, I will not be offended!  If for no other reason, think of my children and their future therapy bills.  Ask me if my priorities are in order.  If I’m saying no to things that will add stress to the family.  If I’m making the effort to not sweat the small stuff.  I do pray for this Christmas to be special.  If absolutely nothing goes as planned, it will be okay.  It’s not about me and my crazy plans, it’s about Him and the birthday of the King.  Peace, Love and Joy to all.