“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”~Ecclesiastes 3:1                                           I don’t handle change …

Source: Changes

 

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”~Ecclesiastes 3:1

                                         

I don’t handle change well.  Yes, I know it’s inevitable and there’s not a blessed thing I can do about it, but it doesn’t change the fact I freak out a little bit every time something happens.  Oddly enough, I’m almost constantly changing things around the house, painting a piece of furniture or switching out fabrics.  I guess that’s just the artsy side, where one day I walk into a room and think ‘why on earth did I think this looked good?’.  The kind of change I’m referring to takes me away from my little comfort zone.

We’re barely three months into the new year and already several things have changed around our home.  Raise your hand if you’ve shed tears painting your child’s room.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Okay, it’s just me.  Many tears.  I knew the time would come when the mural I lovingly painted in my baby girl’s room would one day be painted over.  The time came last month, and my now almost nine year old definitely had her own ideas of what her room should look like.  Let’s just say we did not share the same vision.  I came to the sobering realization that my baby was old enough to have her own opinions and taste in things, and as long as it was within reason, I should go along with it and keep the process fun for her.  Either she’s going to be an interior designer one day or an interior designer’s pickiest client.

My baby boy moved out of his crib.  For the first time in nine years, there is no crib in our home.  I’m not sure what to make of that.  Because my oldest daughter’s room makeover involved a new bed, her sister inherited hers and they now sleep in their own rooms.  For the longest time, little sister slept on the trundle in big sister’s room.  It wasn’t until the first night after the switch that it hit me what happened.  That season was over.  I may or may not have shed tears while debating upping my anxiety meds, and chocolate may or may not have been consumed.

I’ve revamped my girls’ school curriculum this semester.  I sincerely believe homeschooling Moms who don’t have a teaching degree have an advantage over those of us who do.  I think it’s harder to be flexible to the various out of the box methods homeschooling offers and not just transfer the typical classroom style to your home.  Learning does not have to be limited to being still and quiet behind a desk.  I know I can’t make it all lollipops and rainbows, but I do at least try to make learning fun and enjoyable.  Maybe by the time they’ve graduated, I’ll have figured out how to do it successfully.

It never ceases to amaze me how the Lord works.  I was thrown for a loop when our pastor resigned last month to return to the mission field.  My family loves him and his wife dearly, and selfishly did not want them to leave us.  Little did I know the Lord was preparing my own father to return to the pulpit after years of being in another form of ministry.  So after many years, I’m once again the Preacher’s kid.  That’s a totally appropriate title for a 33 year old Mommy, right?  I enjoy and appreciate it much more now than I did as a child. It’s just incredible how God works and answers prayer.

I’m going to be very honest: I’ve battled spiritually since this year began.  At times, literally feeling like I’m in a cloud of darkness.  I should have been better prepared, as I know full well when you obey the Lord, satan ain’t happy.  I knew without a doubt-for reasons beyond me-that I needed to share my story, my testimony.  It’s not like it’s anything ground-breaking, but the Lord made it clear it needed to be told.  Being out of my comfort zone is putting it mildly.  It’s one thing to share on a public blog for any random soul to read, it’s another to share with a group face to face.  I couldn’t think about either too hard, or I’d end up rocking in a corner mumbling to myself.  I don’t understand it, because I’m definitely not a speaker or a writer, and I don’t have anything spectacular to tell.  I think that’s what kept me from starting this blog two years ago.  What if no one reads it?  Oh well.  It’s not my job to worry about that, I just have to be obedient.  But it’s been rough spiritually and emotionally.  Do you ever feel like everything is just bad?  You don’t really even have a reason to be depressed, but you just can’t shake the feeling of misery?  And yes, I’m already on anxiety meds, but that doesn’t help spiritual issues.  If God is calling for you to change some things or take on a new adventure, be prepared for spiritual warfare.

Things change.  Time marches on.  My children are so eager for time to pass, wanting to be older and bigger.  My 8 year old can’t wait to be a teenager, my 5 year old still thinks she can catch up to big sister, and if you ask my 2 year old his age, he will excitedly tell you he’s 100.  Meanwhile, Mommy just wants to freeze time and halt the inevitable changes- including the forehead wrinkles that seem to be getting worse by the day.

I love how the book of Ecclesiastes describes the passing of time as seasons.  It comes and goes.  There is a time for everything.  I’m just thankful that despite the craziness and constant changes of our world, the Lord is changeless in His love for us.

 

 

So I realized I haven’t written a post in over a month.  I guess I’ve been too busy just being a regular Mommy.  At least that’s what my oldest daughter calls me.  When asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, she said, “Oh I don’t think I’ll have a job or anything, I think I’ll just be a regular ol’ Mommy like you.”  She has since made references to ‘regular Mommy’ many times, and every time I think I have a different reaction.  The first  almost had me in tears.  I took it as she didn’t see me as doing anything of importance, that I was just here at the house with them hanging out all day every day.  What kind of example was I setting if that’s what she thought?  I hammered out questions like this to my poor hubby later that evening, and I was informed I was over-thinking the whole matter.  Imagine that.

I struggle with my role/identity/purpose.  Is being ‘just a regular Mommy’ enough?  I will be the first to say I don’t take for granted the privilege I have to be able to stay home with my children, but it is far from a glamorous job.  It’s not like cleaning up bodily fluids at any given moment is the stuff of dreams.  Okay, let me be clear on something: this is not one of those ‘let me list all the things a stay at home Mom does and how much she should be paid’ posts.  While I appreciate the thought of those, every Mom- whether she’s married, single, working three jobs, staying home, whatever-if she is where the Lord wants her, she’s invaluable.

I recently had the privilege of sharing my testimony with a group of young girls.  One thing we discussed was how we may not do any great things in the world’s eyes, but if we’re in God’s will, whatever we do can be a great thing.  That exhausted Mommy who is up with her crying child for the umpteenth time?  She’s a hero to her little one.  That Mom who works 12 hour shifts only to come home to do laundry, feed her children and fall into bed?  She’s a hero.   Not only are we important to at least one someone, we are important to God.  I just want to grab young girls today, hug them tightly and assure them that their worth is not in their appearance, how many ‘likes’ their pictures get, what boy likes them, or how well they do in school.  They’re all daughters of the One True King, and He made them exactly how He wants them- to fulfill His will.

I realize the irony of being able to preach this to others yet struggling with identity myself.  Maybe it boils down to pride.  Thinking I’m ‘above’ cleaning up the bodily fluids and the not-so-glamorous life.  It’s selfish.  I cannot let my insecurities dictate my self-worth.  It’s amazing the perspective change that occurs when you look at scrubbing toilets as service to your family instead of yet another inconvenience.  Or rocking your crying toddler for the tenth time as precious moments that will fade all too soon, instead of an obstacle on your day’s to-do list.  Of course I don’t know any of this from personal experience- a friend told me.

It’s incredible the war satan wages on the Christian home.  If you’re not having to arm yourself daily, you need to check yourself.  Satan loves (LOVES!) to sneak in and whisper how much greener the grass is on the other side.  You’re not enough, you’re not doing anything important, you really don’t matter.  You’re ‘just a regular Mommy’.  Nothing special.  On the days when my two year old is getting into absolutely everything and throwing fit after fit when things don’t go his way; when I’m running on three hours of sleep; when my girls find it impossible to get along; when the house is a wreck and the laundry seems endless; when the library sends me notice that my book is 3 weeks overdue and I have no clue where the book is; when I seek solace in chocolate rather than the Lord; satan is there and ready for me to crack.  The Bible states clearly that God knew what all the days of my life would hold before I was even a thought here on earth.  He knew what I needed, what my gifts and talents would be, and what my family would need from me.  He created me for a purpose.

For now, that purpose is just being a regular ol’ Mommy.