Grace can be such a paradox.  It’s something we often have no problem handing to others yet can’t seem to grant ourselves.  “Give yourself some grace.” is a sentence I’ve been told countless times.  If you’re the type A, perfectionist, OCD-type (aka super-annoying type) like me,  you know it can be nigh on impossible to forgive yourself when you don’t quite measure up.  But the question remains: measuring up to what?  Whose standards are we trying to meet?  Who are we trying to impress?

Now that we’re looking a new year square in the face, we’re being inundated with talk of setting goals, resolutions, changes, and all the joys of the ‘new year, new you’ craze.  More often than not, we set impossible resolutions that will only fall by the wayside come February at the latest.  Life happens.  The wonderful slowness of the holidays leaves, and the busy-ness of our everyday lives takes over right where it left off.

I don’t know about you, but I am more than ready to say, ‘Sayonara!’ to 2016.  Talk about a year of highs and lows.  It was one of those years where the good was great and the bad was awful.  I can honestly say just the last four months have been the most difficult of my life.  If it wasn’t for the grace and hope of Christ, I don’t know where I’d be.  How on earth people make it through difficult times without the Lord, I’ll never know.  It must simply feel hopeless.

So as I’ll be gleefully hanging my new 2017 calendar on the wall come Sunday, I’ll also be thanking the Lord for surviving 2016 and praying for grace in the new year.  Grace.  I love the thought of it.  Less goals, more grace.  For the last few years, I’ve chosen a theme word for the year, and it’s GRACE for 2017.

If I don’t lose the weight? Grace.  If I don’t get caught up on the countless photo books I’m desperately behind on?  Grace. (and Chatbooks- my new favorite!)  If I don’t get everything in the lesson plan finished?  Grace.  If my 3 year old doesn’t potty train?  Grace. Okay, time-out…this one is different, I will go completely insane- I mean he HAS to potty train- he’ll be FOUR in June!  Have mercy, I’ll need to up my meds. But still- GRACE.

I love setting goals.  Probably a little too much.  I never could find a planner I liked, so I made my own- complete with daily and monthly goals.  I realized over time this created a problem.  While everything looked great on paper, I was setting myself up for failure.  I was setting completely unrealistic goals, and not allowing for life to happen.  I was even viewing my children as little obstacles to completing my list. (Mother of the Year material right there!)

I’m trying to find a balance of writing down what absolutely needs to be accomplished and what is too lofty a goal.  I mean, when your child decides to ‘help’ you by changing his own diaper in the middle of the night, thus spreading the love all over his room,(cue freakout) you don’t exactly get to start your day in the solitude of sipping your smoothie while reading.  Let’s just say it puts a damper on the morning.

One thing I’ve decided, and I’ve asked for accountability in sticking to, is clearing my schedule.  2017 will not be the year of busy-ness.  I know some things cannot be helped, but many things can.  Our society thrives on activity, and it’s like Moms wear the constant back and forth as a badge of honor.  I can’t and I don’t.  I will learn to say “no” without the guilt.  My oldest will be 10 this year.(cue another freakout) Time is quickly marching on, and I can’t let life pass me by in a whirl of activity.

I challenge you Moms out there to grant yourselves grace in this new year.  If this isn’t the year you ‘get skinny’, so what?  That number on the scale is not the key to your happiness.  I can promise you your children don’t give a rip what you weigh.  Be their Mom.  Slow down and enjoy the little moments.  Don’t let life pass you by as you try to check off the to-do list and move on to the next thing.  Don’t wish away time.

Fewer goals, more GRACE.

2017 is going to be a blessed year.

Okay I admit it, in the litany of Mommy labels out there, I fall squarely under ‘the crafty one’.  I’m the annoying one who posts the pictures of my kids painting, gluing, making any number of things out of perler beads, or coloring their latest project.  This has invited comments ranging from the sweet yet mistaken, “I wish I had it all together like you” to the sarcastic, “Must be nice to have time for that kind of thing”.  And I’ve also been thrown the “You seem to come across as perfect.” After I stop laughing, (I mean, have you read this blog?  Pretty open book of imperfection here!) I gently correct them.  So I’m here to clear a few things up.

First of all, I enjoy it.  I fall wholeheartedly in the camp of creative people.  Art and everything related to it is my forte.  Thankfully my children enjoy it as well.  I’m careful to not push my interests on them, but what kid doesn’t love to get a little messy with creating things?  In the world of homeschooling, it’s a great way to reinforce a lesson.  They remember things more if there’s an activity to go along with it.  Ask them about Stonehenge and they’ll remember solely because we recreated it out of clay.

But you know what’s not my forte?

EVERYTHING ELSE.

Yep, everything.

You will not find me making organic foods for my family.  I wish I could say we ate mostly the vegetables I grow in our garden, but we don’t have a garden.  And I have a black thumb, so there’s that.  Venison and fish are probably the healthiest things we eat, and those are prepared by the hubby.  Because this Mommy doesn’t have the first clue.  In fact, if there was a prize for feeding your kids the healthiest foods, I’d probably be dead last.  Have you ever had your kids ‘just snack’ for a meal because you were too busy doing other things?  No?

You will not find me following a schedule.  My kids think they’re college students.  They think it’s hilarious to stay up half the night and sleep in.  I guess homeschoolers can get away with that.  Yep, they’ll be doing school well into the afternoon, but it they don’t care, neither do I.  And honestly, this Mommy relishes the morning time to herself.  Oh, I definitely look at other Moms with envy who have their strict nap schedules, bedtime routines, and every activity scheduled and planned out.  I may be halfway sane if we lived by a schedule.

You will not find me spending every precious moment with my kids.  Yes, I’m a stay at home Mom who homeschools, but I’m sure there are mothers who work outside the home who may spend more quality time with their little ones.  I am great at being in their presence without actually being present.  I’ve had one of mine tell me a story that I could not have repeated back to you if my life depended on it.  Have you ever had your child snap her fingers and say “Mommy, did you hear me?  I’m talking to you.”?  Yep.  Just give me my ‘Mother of the Year’ award now.

I realize there’s no such thing as a perfect parent.  I get it.  But I can sure enough tell you I’m as FAR from perfect as can be.  I focus too much on the little things and not enough on the big picture.  Too many days I worry more if my kids’ beds are made and their rooms picked up more than just sitting and listening, enjoying our time together.  I know the saying, ‘The days are long, but the years are short’ is all too true, but actually living in that knowledge is a different story.

As Christmas gets rapidly closer, I’m making the concerted effort to enjoy the moments.  We are finished with school for the semester, so that’s one less thing on the very full plate I seem to carry around.  We do our gingerbread house,(which is made out of plastic by the way- this Mommy does NOT bake gingerbread) paint our traditional crafts and ornaments, and do the advent wreath together.  Children’s crafts are usually the least expensive and most sentimental decorations you can have at Christmas.  I love looking back at the various years and see how their little handprints have changed.

This crafty Mama is confessing to being a failure in every other area.  I think every Mama has their ‘thing’ and no one has it ALL together.  Oh sure, social media may say otherwise, but remember that no one airs it all out on Facebook.  We are seeing the perfectly filtered version of others’ lives, so there’s no need to even compare.  The quickest way to rob ourselves of any of the joys of motherhood is to look on social media for comparisons.

I’m learning to make the time to shut out the constant chatter of to-do lists in my brain to just sit and read a book.  To play a game of kickball. (bonus: cardio!)  To bake cookies.  To simply be present.

So this crafty Mama is left to just trust the Lord to fill in the gaps of my failures with His grace and mercy.  Maybe, just maybe, my children will be okay.