It’s wedding season!  The time of year when your mailbox is full of save the dates, shower and wedding invites, and your social media is saturated with Pinterest-perfect announcements and wedding hashtags.  Spring has sprung, the flowers are blooming, and happiness is in the air.  So either you’re thinking I’m the most cold-hearted woman in the world right now to admit that my wedding day wasn’t my happiest, or you’re silently agreeing with me because yours wasn’t either.

Let me explain: this has nothing to do with my husband or our marriage.  This has everything to do with expectations, insecurities, and stress.  I was the stereotypical little girl who dreamed of her wedding day.  I loved planning my future, and can’t count how many times I played MASH with friends.  It turns out in reality I stunk at planning, because every time I tried to take a step toward some grand plan of mine, it went spectacularly down in flames. (at times literally in flames- bonfires can be therapeutic.  I’ll leave it at that)  I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again: I truly thank the Lord that social media did not exist when I was younger.  I had enough drama to deal with without it being broadcast across the internet in status and picture form.  No thank you.

George and I have one of those love stories that people love to hear, and whenever I’m asked to tell it, it’s always met with ‘awwwws’ and just how wonderful God’s timing is.  And I’m not negating that at all.  But there was so much stress going on behind the scenes just in my personal life that made things much more difficult than it appeared.  I’ve discussed before that I was dealing with an eating disorder.  My sister was literally on a ventilator for a good portion of our engagement.  We had to change venues, reprint invitations, figure out where to live.  Did I mention we were only engaged 3 months?

We chose to get married the last Saturday of July. (enough time after the school year ended for me teaching and enough time for him to get settled in before deer season *insert eye-roll emoji*) July 30, 2005 to be exact.  Almost 13 years ago.  I know it’s not THAT long ago, but Pinterest didn’t exist then, and I’m definitely at the point now of looking back at some things I picked out and just kind of cringing.  I chose a 7pm wedding, not because I wanted it to be some fancy black-tie event (it definitely wasn’t), but because I had a dream of our wedding pictures being taken during the ‘Golden Hour’ ie: when the sun casts the most gorgeous glow on everything before dusk.  I just knew it would be perfect.   Well it rained almost the entire day.  And rain in July in SC means humidity.  Major humidity.  Several of our outdoor pictures were literally foggy from the photographer neglecting to wipe his camera lens.

My sister ended up not being able to attend the wedding.  She returned to the hospital two days after our wedding and stayed for weeks (I was kept blissfully unaware while on our honeymoon- a fact that I didn’t really appreciate until much later)  The morning of the wedding, I had some people take it upon themselves to point out everything I was doing wrong in the planning, who they thought should have been invited, etc.  I’m not the most emotionally stable person on my best day, so you can imagine how this went over on what was supposed to be the “happiest day of my life”.  **And side note: If you have grievances with a bride that you feel must be addressed- tell her well in advance of the wedding or just keep it to yourself.**   I will never, ever forget my precious Matron of Honor pulling me aside after the unnecessary drama and reassuring me that no matter the crazy, no matter if the church literally fell in and everything went to pieces, that at 7:00 that evening I would be George’s wife.  And that was all that mattered in the world.

She was right.  I remember seeing him at the end of the aisle, looking perfect in his tuxedo and fancy boutonniere, and thinking he was all that mattered.  We said our vows at a very naïve 23 and 25 years old, blissfully ignorant of marriage.

I don’t like a lot of attention.  I love planning events and making things beautiful, but I honestly would have preferred to spend my wedding reception sitting in the corner watching everyone else.  I’m sure it was all beautiful, I honestly don’t remember very many of the details that I had so painstakingly planned out.  I do remember the punch fountain malfunctioned at one point and shot punch onto the floor.  I have a very sweet Aunt and Uncle that still refer to it as “The Hollywood Wedding” because of our beautiful wedding party.  I do love looking back at the pictures and seeing how happy everyone looked.  But I can’t help but look at myself and remember the person I was then.  I was so concerned with keeping everyone else happy and being anxious about walking around and mingling, that I really failed to enjoy it for myself.  It really is true how you can be in a crowded room and still feel totally alone.

I truly feel bad for today’s brides.  There is SO much pressure for everything to be perfect.  Pinterest-worthy engagement photos, the Insta-perfect hashtag, every little detail has to be filtered and posted to perfection.  So much money goes into this day to be perfect.  I’m not saying it’s not a special day, it absolutely is.  The union between a man and a woman before God is sacred and there is nothing comparable.  And I love helping brides with addressing invitations, playing for the wedding, painting things, whatever I can to help make their day even more beautiful.  But it’s still a DAY.

I look back on July 30, 2005 with gratitude that neither George nor I are the people we were then.  Not that we were horrible, but he and I agree that we don’t like those people.  We both came into our marriage with baggage.  Well, George had baggage and I had a couple of UHauls.  We both say that we not only love each other tremendously more now, but genuinely like each other more.   Counseling is a blessing.  I cringe when I see couples now that don’t think pre-marital counseling is necessary.  I don’t care who you are and how much you think you know, you are not ready for marriage.  No one is.  Pre-marital counseling is for everyone.  I think every couple can also benefit from counseling after the wedding.  Healthy people are the ones in counseling, because they recognize the issues.

I’m not some expert on marriage- FAR from it.  I just want today’s brides to know that it is a DAY.  Your wedding is a DAY, but marriage is a LIFETIME.   As fun as it is planning that Pinterest-perfect wedding, more effort needs to be put into building the marriage.  Not everything is going to go according to plan on your big day (trust me).  Your day may even be like mine and start off horribly.  But in the grand scheme of things, it won’t matter.

The key is a Christ-centered marriage.  That seems to be the furthest thing from most couples’ minds today.  You can have the most beautiful wedding with the most gorgeous pictures to show, but if your marriage isn’t built on Christ, then you will ultimately end up miserable.  Marriage is hard.  HARD.  The devil hates marriage, and will try everything he can to tear you apart.  You cannot fight him successfully without Christ-it’s just impossible.

Looking back, I’m so incredibly thankful that July 30, 2005 was not the happiest day of my life.  I like the person I am now so much better, and I love George even more.  No, it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses the last (almost) thirteen years, but I know the Lord put us together.  If you know us, you know we are as opposite as two people could possibly be- but we complement one another- just as the Lord intended.

To the young bride right now stressing out over her wedding day: DON’T.  It will be okay.  Focus on what comes after- a lifetime of marriage.  Make sure you are marrying someone who loves God more than he loves you.  And that you love God more than you love him.  Pray together.  Make sure you are both on the same page spiritually, and that you both want Christ as the center of your household.  Otherwise, your marriage is doomed before it has even begun.

Remember, it’s just a day.  And if the rain ruins your perfect pictures, the punch falls to the floor, the candles refuse to light, and people throw unnecessary drama your way, it will still be okay.

One day you’ll look back and laugh and be thankful that was only the beginning of the adventure.