“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear.  The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken’.”      -CS Lewis

I realize not many are aware that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, but this post has been brewing in the back of my mind and I’m finally putting the words into writing here on the last day.  I’ve written several times in the past about mental health, especially regarding Christians’ attitude toward it in general.  And with the risk of sounding repetitive, it bears repeating:

“It’s okay not to be okay”.

We Southerners have mastered the art of pretending everything is okay, smiling with an “I’m fine!” when asked how we’re doing, even if our world may be falling apart.  Multiply that times ten if you’re also a Christian.  In general, and I know there are exceptions, it’s just better to “put on your face” that all is right with your world.  After all, what ‘good Christian’ struggles with depression and anxiety?  Answer: more than you know.  Far more.  So why are we virtually ignoring this in the church?  Why are we far more apt to sympathize with the alcoholic than the Mama wading through post-partum depression?  We’re too quick to judge…thinking (or actually saying if you have no filter) they need to pick themselves up by the bootstraps, just have more faith in God, read their Bibles more, pray more, and on and on and on.  35% of Americans say that mental illness can be overcome with more Bible study and prayer alone.  God bless them.  I’m sure in some cases that works, and praise the Lord when it does.  But more often than not, medications and/or counseling are also necessary.  And that’s okay.  God can provide help and healing just as much through that pill and therapist as He can miraculously through prayer alone.

It’s amazing how many Christians try to put God in some kind of box where He can’t work through meds or doctors, as if that’s not good enough.

I experienced a panic attack just this past Sunday- and to add to the fun, it was at church. (because, why not?)  Up front, playing the piano, having to quietly slip out every chance I could to avoid making a scene.  I was hoping if anyone saw my tears, they’d think I was just patriotically moved by the Memorial Day observances.  If you’ve never experienced a panic attack or anxiety attack, or even severe worry of any kind, let me say a couple of things: 1) count yourself very, very blessed 2) do not, under any circumstances, tell the person who has had one of these attacks to simply “calm down” or any variance of this phrase.  Trust me, they will secretly want to punch you.  What you can do is offer to pray for that person, assure them that you’re there for them, hug them, or if you’re not comfortable with any of those things-just simply don’t say anything, smile, and go on your way.  I can promise you the person doesn’t want any more attention than necessary.

Despite my best efforts, I am a perfectionist.  Baring some miracle from the Lord, I will never be a laid-back person.  I absolutely despise anxiety, depression, and all the fun things that go along with them.  To feel trapped by one’s own mind is a misery one cannot truly describe.  I have to fight and pray to not live in a cycle of guilt.  Guilt over what?  Anything and everything.  I can preach grace all day long, but I extend none to myself.  I literally have to write down and remind myself that it’s okay not to be okay.  That even if I have trouble giving myself grace, God has zero trouble.  My identity has to be in Him, not in however I feel at any given time.

It’s difficult to not compare ourselves to others, especially in this age of social media where the highlight reels of others play constantly.  I’m convinced this is a huge part of the reason behind the skyrocketing increase in depression in teenagers.  Every picture is filtered to perfection.  They don’t just hear about missing out on a party- they get to see every picture and video reminding them they’re not included.  It’s on the adult level too, where if you ever want a good dose of “I’m not good enough”, hop on Instagram and check out Mommy bloggers whose lives are made to look like something straight out of a parenting magazine.  It’s ALL smoke and mirrors.  I dread what social media will be like when my kids are teenagers.

Even without social media, the comparison game is strong.  Even among- and maybe I should say especially among- Christians.  We feel pressured to do this event, or sign up for that program, or join a particular Bible study…not because we feel called to, but because that’s what the “holy” ones are doing.  We look around and think “they” (there’s always a “they”) have it all together and we’re a hot mess, so we’re obviously doing something wrong.  We’re obviously not good enough.  We’re not okay.

So why is it okay not to be okay?  Well, in some ways, power comes through weakness.  Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  We do no one any favors by stuffing everything in and pretending our hurt doesn’t exist.  Let me say that again:

We do no one any favors by stuffing everything in and pretending our hurt     doesn’t exist.

I’m not saying everyone needs to air their dirty laundry and put everything out in the open, but with the Lord’s leading, you never know who can be helped through your story.

Heartbreakingly, suicide occurs every 15 minutes in the US.  And it does not discriminate among Christians.  I’ve had it hit home just in the last two years with the loss of two dear friends.  Both Christians, both seemingly happy.  We never know what’s behind a smile.  It’s okay not to be okay.  It’s okay to seek help, to go on those meds, to pour over your Bible crying out to God for help.  Don’t allow the enemy’s whispers to become shouts of declaration over your life.  You are not alone.

My kids and I love to listen to the Christian radio station KLove in the car, and when I first heard the ‘We Are Messengers’ song “Maybe It’s Ok”, it brought me to tears. The chorus says,

“Maybe its ok if I’m not ok, ’cause the One Who holds the world is holding onto me.  Maybe it’s all right if I’m not all right, ’cause the One who holds the stars is holding my whole life.”

Even if you don’t struggle with any of these issues, odds are the person next to you does.  Be the person with whom others can share.  That others know will pray and won’t judge.  And if you do struggle, know that you’re not alone.  It’s okay not to be okay.

Happy 2019, everyone!  I don’t know about you, but in this household, not one black eye pea, collard or slice of cornbread was consumed; clothes were washed; the floor swept; and (gasp!) the Christmas décor left untouched.  If you live in or near the South at all, you know this should be a recipe for a disastrous year.  Thankfully, I’m not the least bit superstitious.  And if history repeats itself, my least eventful New Year’s Eves and Days result in some of my best years.  In the spirit of bucking tradition, I chose two words for this year.  In recent years, I’ve laid off the “New Year’s Resolutions” (which usually result in feeling like a failure anyway) and opted for a word instead to focus on and set as my main goal.  This year, I felt led to choose two simple words: “But God”.

2018 seemed to be my year of panic attacks.  Like the kind where I felt like I was probably dying.  No particular trigger, without warning, sometimes even while just laying in bed at night. (always fun)  So it’s definitely been in my head wondering what 2019 holds.  Several things hang over me as possibilities of things that can/will most likely happen this year, and I can panic just thinking about them.  But God.  Those two simple words offer such HOPE.

If nothing goes according to plan this year, if the bottom drops out, if panic seizes me daily, if the absolute worst happens….But God.

He is SO much greater than anything I can or cannot do.  I want every fear, every single doubt of mine to be immediately followed by “but God”.

My encouragement to you as we begin this year is to know that the same God that created the universe so long ago is the same God here in 2019.  There is NOTHING, not one single thing, that is going to happen this year without His knowledge.  I know 2018 for many of you was awful and you cannot imagine facing this year.  Know that it’s not hopeless.  This world is full of sin and hopelessness, BUT GOD is a God of hope and grace.  He has already gone before us and nothing catches Him by surprise.  He loves us at our worst.

2019 is a book yet to be written.  I pray that no matter what, we experience the all-consuming grace and love of Christ.

“My heart and my flesh may fail, BUT GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

I saw this quote last night and did a quick sketch lettering of it because I knew I wanted to remember it.  I know this week may seem daunting to many- after all, it’s only Monday.  What is this week going to hold?  What memories will we make- good or bad?

Personally, I’ve been dealing with an increase in anxiety attacks and it’s gotten to the point that I’m anxious about when I’ll have one. (ironic, isn’t it?) Out of nowhere, and for no particular reason they come on me, completely out of my control.  I don’t know about you, but I like to be in control.  Thank the Lord for His grace and for medication- I certainly don’t know where I’d be without them.  One of my first thoughts yesterday in planning this week was when and how many attacks I would have.  Not exactly positive thinking.

I know what I experience doesn’t hold a candle to others.  We all have our own stories and our own battles.  We are all in different ‘seasons’ of life, not necessarily age-wise, but in whatever we are experiencing.  You may be going through a contentious divorce; you may be wondering what your next step in life is; you may be a new Mom running on your fifth night of no sleep; you may just be completely overwhelmed.  Whatever it is you’re going through, God has a purpose.  This season has a purpose.

Whatever this week holds, God’s got this.  He’s already been there and nothing surprises Him.  As much as I’d love to have a little crystal ball in which to see the future, I’m equally as thankful I cannot, because the Lord knows I couldn’t handle it.  He graciously allows us to just see one page-sometimes just one word-in our ‘book’ of life at a time.

No matter how many curveballs this week throws our way, we can know we are NOT alone.  Despite the perfect social media pics and commentary, everyone has issues.  EVERYONE.  We all have our own unique story.  Your story, my story, it all has a purpose.  This season has a purpose.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” -Romans 8:28

Here’s to a WONDERFUL week!

Considering it’s the middle of July and the title of this little post is “Freedom”, it would naturally be assumed that this is in regards to Independence Day, patriotism, and all the things that go along with the 4th of July.  But no.  As wonderful as those things are, and I am in no way diminishing their importance, this is an entirely different version of ‘freedom’.

I just turned 36 this week.  I admit that I was one of the shallow ones who nearly had a breakdown at the thought of turning 30, so the birthdays since haven’t exactly been celebratory in my mind.  However, this year is different.  I don’t know if it’s wonderful or downright pitiful that it’s taken me 36 years (and a whole lot of money in therapy) to finally reach this point, but I’ll take it.  I feel FREE.

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend to have life figured out.  This isn’t some kind of memoir of bestowing advice, or other such nonsense.  That would be insulting to so many people who are far wiser.  But just for the sake of those who are younger than me, maybe my same age, maybe struggling with some of the same things- maybe it will save them some money in therapy-  where they don’t have to wait 36 years to have their ‘aha moment’ in life.

So what am I free from?  I was so utterly grateful to turn the page onto my 36th year the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been.  Healthy is a huge word for me because as I’ve mentioned many times before, that’s been a huge part of my testimony.  Eating disorders have been like my shadow for the better part of my life, so it’s nice to finally feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin.  Do I have it perfectly figured out?  No.  I still don’t do numbers, I still struggle with the mirror, with my relationship to food.  But I know more than ever that that number on the scale, or the way my jeans fit in NO way dictates the kind of person I am.  It just breaks my heart to see so many young girls today trying so hard and putting ungodly amounts of pressure on themselves to look a certain way.  It is NOT worth it.  God made us in His image- embrace how He made you.  He doesn’t make mistakes.  You are you for a reason.  Embrace the freedom of being what God wants you to be, and ditch the scale.  And PS- if you’re a Mom, your kids could honestly not care less what you weigh. (insert praise hands here) FREEDOM.

Healthy and happy go hand in hand, because mental health is just as important.  As I mentioned in a previous post, this Mama is back in therapy, and it was the smartest thing I’ve done in a long time.  Did you know healthy people are the ones in counseling?  It’s called “recognizing the problem”.  I have spent a good portion of my life dealing with toxic people, allowing myself to be manipulated, knocked down, and left to feel worthless.  When you already have low self-esteem, it just makes it that much easier for others to pinpoint you as the ‘basket case’ when your first reaction to drama is tears.  There’s a relatively new term out there called “gaslighting”, where a person manipulates the other into thinking they’re the crazy one.  Some people have it down to an art form, and it doesn’t matter if they’re family, they have no problem using these tactics.  Maybe I should say unfortunately it’s family that’s often the first to use these tactics.  This is the year I am FREE from toxic people.  The Lord has made it clear to me that my first ministry is in my home, with my three children, and I cannot allow them to be exposed to these things.  No matter the source, toxic people will not be allowed.  FREEDOM.  I fully realize I cannot shield my children from everything.  But this is one area where I have the power to use my own voice, along with my husband, and the help of the Holy Spirit, and take a firm stand.  I am proof of how toxic people can mess with a child, (hello years and years of eating disorders and therapy!) and I pray my three blessings never have to deal with the same.  Some people are blissfully unaware they’re being used as satan’s props.  Make sure you’re not one of them.  Rise above the people satan uses- whomever they may be- and stand firm with the Lord away from the toxicity.

FREEDOM from expectations.  This is HUGE.  I’ve written extensively about this before, but how many things do we do out of pressure to meet others’ expectations?  36 years in, and I’m learning the beauty of the word NO.  If the Lord doesn’t put it on my heart, if it will stress me out- thereby stressing my family out- then that thing you’re asking me to do is a big NO.  Freedom is a beautiful thing.

My husband and I teach the college class at our church, and we were recently discussing identity.  Who we are deep down.  My bit of wisdom for the hour was to truly examine that now in their state of life, as opposed to my stage.  I really feel that if we are confident in who we are IN CHRIST, the rest will fall into place.  I could have saved myself SO much heartache along the way.  Too often, I built my self-esteem on the opinions of others, thinking they somehow knew better than I did.  Christ was somewhere on the backburner.  It’s one thing to sit and encourage others to “see yourself the way God sees you”, and it’s an entirely different ballgame to actually internalize it and believe it yourself.  When your identity is in Christ, it doesn’t matter what is thrown your way.  What drama is being stirred by toxic people.  What hateful words are said to you.  You will be able to rise above it and know your identity doesn’t lie in their pettiness, it lies in the One Who created the universe.  Freedom in Christ is glorious.

Again, I’m not trying to be some ‘sage’ here and sit back bestowing some kind of wisdom.  I pray I have many more years here on this earth, and I’m so thankful that God granted me my 36th year to finally realize what He has seen all along.  I am far, FAR from perfect, and I know this year will not be without struggle.  I’ve already had petty junk thrown my way just in the few days since my birthday- that’s called satan doing his job.  I cannot control what others do, what words they choose to say, what actions they choose to take…but I can control my own.  As long as I know my response is Christ-honoring, that’s all I need to contribute.  36 years of finally learning that I can be FREE in Christ, and not bound by anyone else.  No comparisons, (my simple advice to anyone who struggles with comparison- severely limit your social media time) no drama, no being weighed down by expectations, and no time for toxicity.  It’s freedom.

No matter your age, embrace the freedom Christ has provided.  Hopefully it won’t take you 36 years, but whether you’re 16 or 66, now is the time.  You can be a NEW CREATION.

Freedom is a beautiful thing.

Today I was brought to tears at the sudden realization of this being a dear friend’s first Mother’s Day without his mother.  I was also reminded of several mothers I know who are enduring this weekend for the very first time without their precious children.  It was a reality check of just how difficult a day this can be and how many are simply waiting for this weekend to be over.

To those who no longer have your mother here on earth; To those who never really had a mother who cared or stayed around; To those who want nothing more than to be a mother, but are struggling with infertility or have suffered miscarriages; To those who have endured the unimaginable loss of a child; To those who don’t understand why you’re still single when you want nothing more than a family…

You are NOT forgotten.

“See, I have engraved you on the palms of My Hands; your walls are ever before Me.”- Isaiah 49:16

It’s wedding season!  The time of year when your mailbox is full of save the dates, shower and wedding invites, and your social media is saturated with Pinterest-perfect announcements and wedding hashtags.  Spring has sprung, the flowers are blooming, and happiness is in the air.  So either you’re thinking I’m the most cold-hearted woman in the world right now to admit that my wedding day wasn’t my happiest, or you’re silently agreeing with me because yours wasn’t either.

Let me explain: this has nothing to do with my husband or our marriage.  This has everything to do with expectations, insecurities, and stress.  I was the stereotypical little girl who dreamed of her wedding day.  I loved planning my future, and can’t count how many times I played MASH with friends.  It turns out in reality I stunk at planning, because every time I tried to take a step toward some grand plan of mine, it went spectacularly down in flames. (at times literally in flames- bonfires can be therapeutic.  I’ll leave it at that)  I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again: I truly thank the Lord that social media did not exist when I was younger.  I had enough drama to deal with without it being broadcast across the internet in status and picture form.  No thank you.

George and I have one of those love stories that people love to hear, and whenever I’m asked to tell it, it’s always met with ‘awwwws’ and just how wonderful God’s timing is.  And I’m not negating that at all.  But there was so much stress going on behind the scenes just in my personal life that made things much more difficult than it appeared.  I’ve discussed before that I was dealing with an eating disorder.  My sister was literally on a ventilator for a good portion of our engagement.  We had to change venues, reprint invitations, figure out where to live.  Did I mention we were only engaged 3 months?

We chose to get married the last Saturday of July. (enough time after the school year ended for me teaching and enough time for him to get settled in before deer season *insert eye-roll emoji*) July 30, 2005 to be exact.  Almost 13 years ago.  I know it’s not THAT long ago, but Pinterest didn’t exist then, and I’m definitely at the point now of looking back at some things I picked out and just kind of cringing.  I chose a 7pm wedding, not because I wanted it to be some fancy black-tie event (it definitely wasn’t), but because I had a dream of our wedding pictures being taken during the ‘Golden Hour’ ie: when the sun casts the most gorgeous glow on everything before dusk.  I just knew it would be perfect.   Well it rained almost the entire day.  And rain in July in SC means humidity.  Major humidity.  Several of our outdoor pictures were literally foggy from the photographer neglecting to wipe his camera lens.

My sister ended up not being able to attend the wedding.  She returned to the hospital two days after our wedding and stayed for weeks (I was kept blissfully unaware while on our honeymoon- a fact that I didn’t really appreciate until much later)  The morning of the wedding, I had some people take it upon themselves to point out everything I was doing wrong in the planning, who they thought should have been invited, etc.  I’m not the most emotionally stable person on my best day, so you can imagine how this went over on what was supposed to be the “happiest day of my life”.  **And side note: If you have grievances with a bride that you feel must be addressed- tell her well in advance of the wedding or just keep it to yourself.**   I will never, ever forget my precious Matron of Honor pulling me aside after the unnecessary drama and reassuring me that no matter the crazy, no matter if the church literally fell in and everything went to pieces, that at 7:00 that evening I would be George’s wife.  And that was all that mattered in the world.

She was right.  I remember seeing him at the end of the aisle, looking perfect in his tuxedo and fancy boutonniere, and thinking he was all that mattered.  We said our vows at a very naïve 23 and 25 years old, blissfully ignorant of marriage.

I don’t like a lot of attention.  I love planning events and making things beautiful, but I honestly would have preferred to spend my wedding reception sitting in the corner watching everyone else.  I’m sure it was all beautiful, I honestly don’t remember very many of the details that I had so painstakingly planned out.  I do remember the punch fountain malfunctioned at one point and shot punch onto the floor.  I have a very sweet Aunt and Uncle that still refer to it as “The Hollywood Wedding” because of our beautiful wedding party.  I do love looking back at the pictures and seeing how happy everyone looked.  But I can’t help but look at myself and remember the person I was then.  I was so concerned with keeping everyone else happy and being anxious about walking around and mingling, that I really failed to enjoy it for myself.  It really is true how you can be in a crowded room and still feel totally alone.

I truly feel bad for today’s brides.  There is SO much pressure for everything to be perfect.  Pinterest-worthy engagement photos, the Insta-perfect hashtag, every little detail has to be filtered and posted to perfection.  So much money goes into this day to be perfect.  I’m not saying it’s not a special day, it absolutely is.  The union between a man and a woman before God is sacred and there is nothing comparable.  And I love helping brides with addressing invitations, playing for the wedding, painting things, whatever I can to help make their day even more beautiful.  But it’s still a DAY.

I look back on July 30, 2005 with gratitude that neither George nor I are the people we were then.  Not that we were horrible, but he and I agree that we don’t like those people.  We both came into our marriage with baggage.  Well, George had baggage and I had a couple of UHauls.  We both say that we not only love each other tremendously more now, but genuinely like each other more.   Counseling is a blessing.  I cringe when I see couples now that don’t think pre-marital counseling is necessary.  I don’t care who you are and how much you think you know, you are not ready for marriage.  No one is.  Pre-marital counseling is for everyone.  I think every couple can also benefit from counseling after the wedding.  Healthy people are the ones in counseling, because they recognize the issues.

I’m not some expert on marriage- FAR from it.  I just want today’s brides to know that it is a DAY.  Your wedding is a DAY, but marriage is a LIFETIME.   As fun as it is planning that Pinterest-perfect wedding, more effort needs to be put into building the marriage.  Not everything is going to go according to plan on your big day (trust me).  Your day may even be like mine and start off horribly.  But in the grand scheme of things, it won’t matter.

The key is a Christ-centered marriage.  That seems to be the furthest thing from most couples’ minds today.  You can have the most beautiful wedding with the most gorgeous pictures to show, but if your marriage isn’t built on Christ, then you will ultimately end up miserable.  Marriage is hard.  HARD.  The devil hates marriage, and will try everything he can to tear you apart.  You cannot fight him successfully without Christ-it’s just impossible.

Looking back, I’m so incredibly thankful that July 30, 2005 was not the happiest day of my life.  I like the person I am now so much better, and I love George even more.  No, it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses the last (almost) thirteen years, but I know the Lord put us together.  If you know us, you know we are as opposite as two people could possibly be- but we complement one another- just as the Lord intended.

To the young bride right now stressing out over her wedding day: DON’T.  It will be okay.  Focus on what comes after- a lifetime of marriage.  Make sure you are marrying someone who loves God more than he loves you.  And that you love God more than you love him.  Pray together.  Make sure you are both on the same page spiritually, and that you both want Christ as the center of your household.  Otherwise, your marriage is doomed before it has even begun.

Remember, it’s just a day.  And if the rain ruins your perfect pictures, the punch falls to the floor, the candles refuse to light, and people throw unnecessary drama your way, it will still be okay.

One day you’ll look back and laugh and be thankful that was only the beginning of the adventure.

Why do you do what you do?

I’ve been forced to evaluate some things recently, mostly asking the question ‘Why?’ when it comes to what is necessary and what the motivations are behind it.  I’m not trying to get super deep or philosophical, but sometimes it’s just necessary to take a step back and ask ourselves, ‘Why?’.

First of all, full disclosure: The title of this blog should now be “Mama is in Therapy” because yes, I bit the bullet and went marching back to the counselor. (Yay for humble pie!) This was after I made the exasperatingly stupid decision last year that I no longer needed the anxiety/depression meds and just quit. (PS: not a good idea, take my word for it)  Finally, after swallowing my pride and realizing for the umpteenth time in my life that counseling does NOT equal weakness, I went back in for therapy.  And (shocker!) that sweet, awesome Christian counselor informed me that I was in dire need of medication.  So take that, pride!

I’ve said this before and I’ll continue to say it a million times: Christians need to be more open to the issues of anxiety, depression, mental illnesses, etc.  NOT as a sign of lack of faith, not being ‘spiritual’ enough, or whatever other lame excuse I’ve heard through the years.  Yes, sometimes it is caused by our own sin and life choices- and we have to deal with the consequences.  But more often than not, I’ve witnessed it being a matter of either genetic predisposition or chemical imbalance.  Neither of which have anything to do with how much you read your Bible and pray.  I’ve personally heard good, godly people have no problem requesting prayer for their family member who has a drug/alcohol addiction, but then later literally whisper that ‘Sister So and So is on anti-depressants.’  Really?!  And that is why Christians don’t want to reach out.  And certainly why a non-Christian wouldn’t dare approach a Believer with such an issue.

We as Christians MUST be careful of our motivations.  We have the reputation of being ‘holier than thou’ as it is, and honestly some of it is justified.  I’ve seen through the years where great people have morphed into some kind of standard for Christianity.  You didn’t sign up for this ministry at church?  Oh, well then you’re not really where you need to be with the Lord.  Are you not out knocking on doors and handing out Gospel tracts?  Then shame on you.   Are you not bringing 5 people with you to church each week?  Well, why not?  And that is why churches split.  That is why people leave and turn away from Christianity.  It’s an impossible standard.  And we tend to completely forget that we must do what we are CALLED to do, and not simply jump on some kind of Spiritual bandwagon to make ourselves look and feel better.

Why are you doing what you’re doing?  Is it more of a ‘Look at me, look how Spiritual I am?’  Because if it is, I can 100% guarantee you the Lord will not bless it.  In fact, you will more than likely cause division than anything else.  The body of Christ needs to take a huge dose of humility and realize that just because not everyone is like you, does not make them less than.   We need to take a hard and very close look at our motivations.  Too many churches are feeding off an ‘us against them’ mentality.  The ‘Spiritual’ versus the ‘non-Spiritual’.  And that is the fastest route to people walking out the door and never returning.  Not just to that church, but to Christianity.  How many friends do you truly connect with?  How many people in your own circle/small group/church do you take the time and really talk to?  Ask the deep questions beyond the Southern ‘How are you doing?’ knowing the answer will be the standard, ‘Fine, and how are you?’  You never know what’s behind a smile.

Too many people sitting in the pew beside you are struggling.  Depression, anxiety, mental illness, drug/alcohol/pornography additions, abuse, you name it- I guarantee it’s in your church, no matter how big or small the congregation is.  Am I too busy signing up for the next big thing in the church to even look around and connect with who the Lord has already put in my path?

Few things hurt worse than to feel forgotten.  I get it, we are busy.  That’s one of the things I’m currently having to evaluate in my own life.  I am currently committed to something-at times multiple things-at every service at our church.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, I’m saying I’m praying over my why and if I need to continue or let something go.  I have to remind myself I’m not special enough to be the only one for the job.  You never know who else may feel called by the Lord to be doing what you’ve been doing out of obligation.  Busyness does not equal godliness.   That bears repeating: busyness does NOT equal godliness.  Who is falling to the wayside due to our busyness?  Our spouses?  Children?  Friends?  Church members?  Few things hurt worse than to open your heart and make yourself vulnerable to a trusted friend, the friend promise to be there and walk with you through the fire, and it never happen.  And it’s because of busyness.  We are all too busy in our own lives and too often tending to our obligations- whether they be real or fall in the category of  ‘This is what the Spiritual crowd is doing so I need to do it too”- to even invest in what is truly important.  Am I too busy trying to look good in the church that my own family is suffering?  Will my children see me as someone who was more interested in doing, doing, doing at the church when they really just need me to be Mom in this season of life?  What is my why?

My encouragement is to pay more attention.  Not only to our own motivations for things, but to others.  Whether it be your own family, the little lady who always sits in the pew behind you, or the cashier at the grocery store.  Spoiler alert: everyone has issues.  Not the same, (thank goodness!)  but we are ALL struggling in some way.  Some more than others.  Yes, I deal with severe depression, social anxiety, and panic attacks.  (Thank you Lord for medicine!) And yes, it’s a struggle to get through the day at times.  But I am also very aware that I’m most likely on the mild end of struggling compared to what some right there in our own churches and communities are going through.  Evaluate your motivations for why you’re doing what you’re doing.  Is it to fill a void in your life, make yourself feel better or more Spiritual, meet the approval of others, or just look good?  If so, make the necessary changes.  You never know how the Lord will bless you and others for it.

What is your why?

Hey you.

Yes, I’m talking to you. The one who has been dreading this day since you first spotted the heart-shaped candy lining the shelves as soon as Christmas was over. The one who will sit in class and watch as flowers and balloons are delivered to what seems like everyone but you. The one who is dreading the endless sappy social media posts that will flood your news feeds. The one who feels like everyone in the world has someone but you. The one who is spending their first Valentine’s Day alone. The one who isn’t so happily married. The one who just feels utterly and completely alone. Please know you are not forgotten. You are dearly loved far beyond your comprehension. You are worth more than what any overpriced flowers, candy, balloons, jewelry or cards can express.

There is One who loves you- the One Who created the entire universe. He knows every detail about you, down to the hairs on your head, and still loves you more than anyone can fathom.

Smile. Take heart, it’s just a day. A day that I pray will be a blessed one for you as you grasp just how truly loved you are.