Considering it’s the middle of July and the title of this little post is “Freedom”, it would naturally be assumed that this is in regards to Independence Day, patriotism, and all the things that go along with the 4th of July.  But no.  As wonderful as those things are, and I am in no way diminishing their importance, this is an entirely different version of ‘freedom’.

I just turned 36 this week.  I admit that I was one of the shallow ones who nearly had a breakdown at the thought of turning 30, so the birthdays since haven’t exactly been celebratory in my mind.  However, this year is different.  I don’t know if it’s wonderful or downright pitiful that it’s taken me 36 years (and a whole lot of money in therapy) to finally reach this point, but I’ll take it.  I feel FREE.

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend to have life figured out.  This isn’t some kind of memoir of bestowing advice, or other such nonsense.  That would be insulting to so many people who are far wiser.  But just for the sake of those who are younger than me, maybe my same age, maybe struggling with some of the same things- maybe it will save them some money in therapy-  where they don’t have to wait 36 years to have their ‘aha moment’ in life.

So what am I free from?  I was so utterly grateful to turn the page onto my 36th year the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been.  Healthy is a huge word for me because as I’ve mentioned many times before, that’s been a huge part of my testimony.  Eating disorders have been like my shadow for the better part of my life, so it’s nice to finally feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin.  Do I have it perfectly figured out?  No.  I still don’t do numbers, I still struggle with the mirror, with my relationship to food.  But I know more than ever that that number on the scale, or the way my jeans fit in NO way dictates the kind of person I am.  It just breaks my heart to see so many young girls today trying so hard and putting ungodly amounts of pressure on themselves to look a certain way.  It is NOT worth it.  God made us in His image- embrace how He made you.  He doesn’t make mistakes.  You are you for a reason.  Embrace the freedom of being what God wants you to be, and ditch the scale.  And PS- if you’re a Mom, your kids could honestly not care less what you weigh. (insert praise hands here) FREEDOM.

Healthy and happy go hand in hand, because mental health is just as important.  As I mentioned in a previous post, this Mama is back in therapy, and it was the smartest thing I’ve done in a long time.  Did you know healthy people are the ones in counseling?  It’s called “recognizing the problem”.  I have spent a good portion of my life dealing with toxic people, allowing myself to be manipulated, knocked down, and left to feel worthless.  When you already have low self-esteem, it just makes it that much easier for others to pinpoint you as the ‘basket case’ when your first reaction to drama is tears.  There’s a relatively new term out there called “gaslighting”, where a person manipulates the other into thinking they’re the crazy one.  Some people have it down to an art form, and it doesn’t matter if they’re family, they have no problem using these tactics.  Maybe I should say unfortunately it’s family that’s often the first to use these tactics.  This is the year I am FREE from toxic people.  The Lord has made it clear to me that my first ministry is in my home, with my three children, and I cannot allow them to be exposed to these things.  No matter the source, toxic people will not be allowed.  FREEDOM.  I fully realize I cannot shield my children from everything.  But this is one area where I have the power to use my own voice, along with my husband, and the help of the Holy Spirit, and take a firm stand.  I am proof of how toxic people can mess with a child, (hello years and years of eating disorders and therapy!) and I pray my three blessings never have to deal with the same.  Some people are blissfully unaware they’re being used as satan’s props.  Make sure you’re not one of them.  Rise above the people satan uses- whomever they may be- and stand firm with the Lord away from the toxicity.

FREEDOM from expectations.  This is HUGE.  I’ve written extensively about this before, but how many things do we do out of pressure to meet others’ expectations?  36 years in, and I’m learning the beauty of the word NO.  If the Lord doesn’t put it on my heart, if it will stress me out- thereby stressing my family out- then that thing you’re asking me to do is a big NO.  Freedom is a beautiful thing.

My husband and I teach the college class at our church, and we were recently discussing identity.  Who we are deep down.  My bit of wisdom for the hour was to truly examine that now in their state of life, as opposed to my stage.  I really feel that if we are confident in who we are IN CHRIST, the rest will fall into place.  I could have saved myself SO much heartache along the way.  Too often, I built my self-esteem on the opinions of others, thinking they somehow knew better than I did.  Christ was somewhere on the backburner.  It’s one thing to sit and encourage others to “see yourself the way God sees you”, and it’s an entirely different ballgame to actually internalize it and believe it yourself.  When your identity is in Christ, it doesn’t matter what is thrown your way.  What drama is being stirred by toxic people.  What hateful words are said to you.  You will be able to rise above it and know your identity doesn’t lie in their pettiness, it lies in the One Who created the universe.  Freedom in Christ is glorious.

Again, I’m not trying to be some ‘sage’ here and sit back bestowing some kind of wisdom.  I pray I have many more years here on this earth, and I’m so thankful that God granted me my 36th year to finally realize what He has seen all along.  I am far, FAR from perfect, and I know this year will not be without struggle.  I’ve already had petty junk thrown my way just in the few days since my birthday- that’s called satan doing his job.  I cannot control what others do, what words they choose to say, what actions they choose to take…but I can control my own.  As long as I know my response is Christ-honoring, that’s all I need to contribute.  36 years of finally learning that I can be FREE in Christ, and not bound by anyone else.  No comparisons, (my simple advice to anyone who struggles with comparison- severely limit your social media time) no drama, no being weighed down by expectations, and no time for toxicity.  It’s freedom.

No matter your age, embrace the freedom Christ has provided.  Hopefully it won’t take you 36 years, but whether you’re 16 or 66, now is the time.  You can be a NEW CREATION.

Freedom is a beautiful thing.