“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear.  The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken’.”      -CS Lewis

I realize not many are aware that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, but this post has been brewing in the back of my mind and I’m finally putting the words into writing here on the last day.  I’ve written several times in the past about mental health, especially regarding Christians’ attitude toward it in general.  And with the risk of sounding repetitive, it bears repeating:

“It’s okay not to be okay”.

We Southerners have mastered the art of pretending everything is okay, smiling with an “I’m fine!” when asked how we’re doing, even if our world may be falling apart.  Multiply that times ten if you’re also a Christian.  In general, and I know there are exceptions, it’s just better to “put on your face” that all is right with your world.  After all, what ‘good Christian’ struggles with depression and anxiety?  Answer: more than you know.  Far more.  So why are we virtually ignoring this in the church?  Why are we far more apt to sympathize with the alcoholic than the Mama wading through post-partum depression?  We’re too quick to judge…thinking (or actually saying if you have no filter) they need to pick themselves up by the bootstraps, just have more faith in God, read their Bibles more, pray more, and on and on and on.  35% of Americans say that mental illness can be overcome with more Bible study and prayer alone.  God bless them.  I’m sure in some cases that works, and praise the Lord when it does.  But more often than not, medications and/or counseling are also necessary.  And that’s okay.  God can provide help and healing just as much through that pill and therapist as He can miraculously through prayer alone.

It’s amazing how many Christians try to put God in some kind of box where He can’t work through meds or doctors, as if that’s not good enough.

I experienced a panic attack just this past Sunday- and to add to the fun, it was at church. (because, why not?)  Up front, playing the piano, having to quietly slip out every chance I could to avoid making a scene.  I was hoping if anyone saw my tears, they’d think I was just patriotically moved by the Memorial Day observances.  If you’ve never experienced a panic attack or anxiety attack, or even severe worry of any kind, let me say a couple of things: 1) count yourself very, very blessed 2) do not, under any circumstances, tell the person who has had one of these attacks to simply “calm down” or any variance of this phrase.  Trust me, they will secretly want to punch you.  What you can do is offer to pray for that person, assure them that you’re there for them, hug them, or if you’re not comfortable with any of those things-just simply don’t say anything, smile, and go on your way.  I can promise you the person doesn’t want any more attention than necessary.

Despite my best efforts, I am a perfectionist.  Baring some miracle from the Lord, I will never be a laid-back person.  I absolutely despise anxiety, depression, and all the fun things that go along with them.  To feel trapped by one’s own mind is a misery one cannot truly describe.  I have to fight and pray to not live in a cycle of guilt.  Guilt over what?  Anything and everything.  I can preach grace all day long, but I extend none to myself.  I literally have to write down and remind myself that it’s okay not to be okay.  That even if I have trouble giving myself grace, God has zero trouble.  My identity has to be in Him, not in however I feel at any given time.

It’s difficult to not compare ourselves to others, especially in this age of social media where the highlight reels of others play constantly.  I’m convinced this is a huge part of the reason behind the skyrocketing increase in depression in teenagers.  Every picture is filtered to perfection.  They don’t just hear about missing out on a party- they get to see every picture and video reminding them they’re not included.  It’s on the adult level too, where if you ever want a good dose of “I’m not good enough”, hop on Instagram and check out Mommy bloggers whose lives are made to look like something straight out of a parenting magazine.  It’s ALL smoke and mirrors.  I dread what social media will be like when my kids are teenagers.

Even without social media, the comparison game is strong.  Even among- and maybe I should say especially among- Christians.  We feel pressured to do this event, or sign up for that program, or join a particular Bible study…not because we feel called to, but because that’s what the “holy” ones are doing.  We look around and think “they” (there’s always a “they”) have it all together and we’re a hot mess, so we’re obviously doing something wrong.  We’re obviously not good enough.  We’re not okay.

So why is it okay not to be okay?  Well, in some ways, power comes through weakness.  Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  We do no one any favors by stuffing everything in and pretending our hurt doesn’t exist.  Let me say that again:

We do no one any favors by stuffing everything in and pretending our hurt     doesn’t exist.

I’m not saying everyone needs to air their dirty laundry and put everything out in the open, but with the Lord’s leading, you never know who can be helped through your story.

Heartbreakingly, suicide occurs every 15 minutes in the US.  And it does not discriminate among Christians.  I’ve had it hit home just in the last two years with the loss of two dear friends.  Both Christians, both seemingly happy.  We never know what’s behind a smile.  It’s okay not to be okay.  It’s okay to seek help, to go on those meds, to pour over your Bible crying out to God for help.  Don’t allow the enemy’s whispers to become shouts of declaration over your life.  You are not alone.

My kids and I love to listen to the Christian radio station KLove in the car, and when I first heard the ‘We Are Messengers’ song “Maybe It’s Ok”, it brought me to tears. The chorus says,

“Maybe its ok if I’m not ok, ’cause the One Who holds the world is holding onto me.  Maybe it’s all right if I’m not all right, ’cause the One who holds the stars is holding my whole life.”

Even if you don’t struggle with any of these issues, odds are the person next to you does.  Be the person with whom others can share.  That others know will pray and won’t judge.  And if you do struggle, know that you’re not alone.  It’s okay not to be okay.